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Rating: 4 / 5

Their mind-numbing tracks would be very easy to play on a normal guitar, never mind this dumbed-down version.

Their “fans” make the bold assumption that the beatless are basically the root of all “rock” music ever, and that if they had never existed, “rock” would still sound like Elvis. But when you say that The Beatles are the be all and end all of “rock” music today, you’re an idiot. Rock and Roll existed before the beatless, and it would probably have existed and done fine without them.

Look at Led Zeppelin. They basically evolved from the Yardbirds, who formed around 1962, roughly the same time as the beatless. Lets assume the beatless never existed (if only). The Yardbirds probably would have gotten just as big, having Clapton, Page, and Beck all joining the band, and Page turning the band into Led Zeppelin, maybe sounding slightly different that the Led Zeppelin we know today.

On top of that, bands and performers such as Chuck Berry, The Yardbirds, and The Kinks would have had a larger influence on true rock ‘n’ roll. And of course, we can’t forget Les Paul, who not only made great advances in recording technology, but also helped greatly in the popularisation of the electric guitar, an essential element of virtually all rock, country, funk, metal, prog, punk, and much avant-garde.

During the publicity campaign for Rock Band and the remastered CDs, Old Wobbly Thumbs made the the surprise claim that it was he who was responsible for the besuited look which launched the band’s commercial career.
In a recent interview he told how, while on holiday with his family at a Butlin’s holiday camp in the mid 50s, he experienced an epiphany; four young men walked past the swimming pool dressed in exactly the same clothes. That night it became apparent they were a band, who appeared on stage in the ballroom wearing suits of the same smart cut. Funny how his tale does not accord with any previous accounts, including that of their late tailor Dougie Millings.

In Brian Epstein’s 1964 autobiography A Cellarful Of Noise (How apt!!) their manager describes in detail how he had to address their “scruffy” early leather-clad rocker look. Epstein’s assistant Alistair Taylor recalled in his own book that on December 14 1961 – the day after the beatless signed their management contract – the foursome were marched to Birkenhead tailor Beno Dorn (a friend of Epstein’s) for fittings for matching made-to-measure dark blue suits. They also had their hair neatened at Liverpool’s top-notch barber Horne Brothers.

And if that’s not record company marketing, then what is?

Rating: 1 / 5